bane of my existence

I have been feeling hard-hearted lately, and tonight while organizing and arranging furniture in my tiny apartment I decided the giant metropolis poster I got as a birthday gift for my friend beth would not for much longer maintain residence with me, tucked into a disorganized corner or crammed in a closet.  if it will fit in one of these closets.  I haven't tried yet, and I won't! 

I don't know how I found this priceless but onerous treasure, but find it I did on craigslist, a few weeks before beth's birthday, about 7 years ago now.  I had to drive to queens to get it and it barely fit in my rav4.  I picked it up from a guy's windowless basement.  the entrance was kind of under a fire escape in an alley.  it appeared too that the basement was his only actual residence, and it was a creepy gaping shadowy space, but filled with funky furniture and art.  the picture cost $80 and I screamed all the way home, I was so proud to have found such a gift.  Beth was an english major/film minor at rutgers and an adamant movie snob.  I still think to this day we grew apart partially because I thought fellini was boring and overrated.

beth's dad got non-hodgkins lymphoma the year beth graduated and she moved to texas to be with her family.  our friend becky and I and beth all road-tripped down there from new jersey in beth's ass-packed stick shift corolla.  the trip took us 25 hours total (with a stop at waffle house) and a quarter ounce of weed.  We all took turns driving, though becky, trying discreetly to bump coke with her car keys, courteously drove a good 2/3 of the trip.  I remember wondering why anyone would ever want to live in tennessee, though driving through the state at 2am when it was raining probably influenced me.

needless to say the metropolis poster didn't fit in the corolla, and beth has been in texas, gaily finishing graduate school and making no effort to send for her gift.  I've moved this poster three separate times and across two states!  I've kept it in great condition but I'm starting to just get sick of seeing it.  it's beginning to represent my being forgotten, like my gift was forgotten.

I will memorialize it here. within a few days, or weeks maybe, probably, but also probably not, I will put it up on craigslist and see if anyone is lucky enough to find it.  I wonder where it will go.  I wonder who will appreciate it.  I don't want to give it to someone who won't.